#007: 5 Steps to Better Sleep and More Energy

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For years, sleep was at the bottom of my list. If a task wasn’t parenting/kid related, I’d put it off until to the late-night hour. This meant leaving everything to my remaining trickle of energy. And if I’m honest, when it’s Me versus Couch, Me always loses.

Finally last year, it caught up to me. Who am I kidding? This 34-year-old dad bod can’t hang anymore. I was so sleep deprived I fell asleep on a video call training for a new job.

It was a new job at a time in my life were I desperately needed a job. How foolish of me to risk the financial well-being of my family.

Conclusion? The only way to improve my life overall is to establish a habit of good sleep.

There aren't many that would disagree nowadays, but if you're one of the stubborn sleepyheads of the world, read on.

If you think sleep is essential, then you don’t need my sleep spiel. Skip down to the five steps.

Dear Team No-sleep-til-I'm-dead,

I’m not going to share the detailed research and science supporting healthy sleep habits. You can find plenty of that info out there. Here’s a great podcast episode on that:

Nonetheless, my best argument in favor of sleep is how it helped my own life. Every part of it: daily energy, eating habits, relationships, parenting, time management. You name it.

After getting into a good sleep rhythm (in 2 to 3 days), it was easier to establish good eating and exercise habits. I have been able to workout, do my job, care for kids, and socialize, all in one day, and it feels good.

All I can do is recommend it. Test the 5 steps for yourself for two weeks. See what happens!

To the Aspiring Sleepers:

It is more than possible to energize yourself with improved sleep.

During peak toddlerhood, sleep was most difficult. I was far from perfect, so this was the goal: good sleep 80% of my nights. Still difficult, but not impossible. And now that we're months away from conquering toddlerdom, we get that B-minus most weeks. (And rest assured, it does get easier as they grow.)

Let's dive into these 5 self-proven steps to improve your sleep:

1 - Sleep Train Your Kid(s)

For parents, half the conversations about our kids are about sleep.

“Did she nap?”

“Oh no, this nap will ruin bedtime.”

“We’ll need to make the drive during her nap.”

"Let's cancel all evening plans until he's 18."

Life revolves around a child’s sleep schedule. If only there was a way to help your child get continuous sleep at a good time?

Enter the Richard Ferber Sleep Training Method.

This is not medical advice, nor am I a medical professional. Please consult your child’s physician before trying anything.

Ferber's book, “Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems” was the game changer. It gave us a deeper understanding of our girls' sleep as well as sleep training methods. If sleep disorders are a concern, he expounds on that also.

This kind of sleep training uses a method to solve any “sleep association” problems. A sleep association can be nursing, co-sleeping, rocking, or anything that helps a child fall asleep. When a child is dependent on these associations, they struggle staying asleep without them. Nothing but a little sleep association junkie.

But we don’t have to enslave ourselves to their sleep associations. Kids can and should learn how to put themselves to sleep, and the Ferber method worked for us to make it happen.

I am not casting judgement on any parent that wants their child to sleep in their bed, or be rocked to sleep. If life is good and it doesn’t impede on your own health or relationships, no harm no foul. But if it's causing issues between spouses, or hindering your evening responsibilities, it's time to sleep train.

The recommended age to sleep train is as early as four months old. We used the Ferber method and it worked for us in less than a week. But every child is different.

If you don't have time for a dense read, here's an article that has everything you need to sleep train using the Ferber Method.

Main caveat here is to have the stronger willed parent lead the charge. In our case, I was the one that could handle the crying during Ferber’s “progressive waiting” approach. My wife had to go wait outside in the car. And every child is different! Again, consult your child's physician.

Training a child to sleep without their usual comforts is not for the faint of heart, but if it helps you be a healthier parent, it’s worth it!

Having your child on a sleep routine will support your preferred daily schedule.

Wouldn't that be nice? Next step:

2 - Establish Your Evening Routine

Okay, your kid is now sleeping on a schedule. It’s time to set evening priorities straight.

I understand how difficult it is to make a massive change to routines, so this is how I started. One phase at a time, building on each one:

• Phase 1: Incorporate a habit of no food or drink 3 hours before bedtime; No work 2 hours before bedtime; No screens 1 hour before bedtime. I first saw this 3-2-1 technique on Instagram by @growwithcolby.

• Phase 2: Prep mentally and physically for the next day. Prep kids’ lunches, outfits, backpacks as much as possible. Prep for your next day as much as possible, with outfit, briefcase, work items, etc.

• Phase 3: Start a habit of planning and reviewing your next day’s schedule. Anticipate and visualize yourself getting through your day feeling energized and enjoying the process of accomplishing your tasks.

Your evening routine preps your mind and body for quality sleep, and functions as a launch pad for the next morning.

3 - Find Your Best Bedtime

Not all sleep lengths are equal.

After trying different sleep schedules for myself, I found I felt best when I got to bed by 11pm, regardless of how long I slept. Going to bed at 11pm for 6 hours of sleep, felt a whole lot better than going to bed at 2am for the same number of hours.

Many of us resist the natural circadian rhythm our bodies are wired with, so every day is an uphill battle.

Personally, a 9pm bedtime with 7.5 sleep hours is ideal. But in the current season, an 11pm bedtime with 6 or 7.5 sleep hours has been more realistic. (Why 6 or 7.5 hours? I’ll explain in step #4.)

According to Matt Walker, neuroscientist and sleep researcher, we have a chronotype. Your chronotype is your inclination with regard to the times of day you prefer to sleep or when you are most alert or energetic.

It’s important to test out what works best for your health and for your lifestyle and keep it consistent.

4 - Calculate Your Best Waketime

Have you ever had a longer night of sleep and woke up worse than when you’ve had a less sleep?

This is partly due to the timing of when you wake.

Earlier this year I began setting my alarm for a time I know I’ll be in a light stage of sleep.

(Stay with me, there's a little math.)

The human sleep cycle happens in waves. We go from deep to light sleep throughout the night. In general, our lightest sleep is every 90 minutes (1.5 hours) or so.

So what I do is I make sure I only get 6 hours, or 7.5 hours of sleep, putting me at my light sleep phase for wakings. This helps with quicker alertness. Otherwise, waking during deep sleep overcasts my whole morning with fatigue.

I used the Sleep Cycle paid app to help me wake during lighter sleep without the math. There are many apps out there, but an app requires me to sleep near my phone. The oversleeping risk was too great and stopped using apps. I do the calculations on my own to set my alarm at a good time.

Okay! You made it to step #5. You are ready to level up your mornings.

5 - Establish Your Morning Routine

A great morning will set you up for a great night of sleep.

Here are some tips to charge you up in the morning and keep you on schedule.

• Alarm distance - I am guaranteed to oversleep if my alarm is within reach. I have my phone alarm in the opposite side of the bedroom so it requires me to physically get up. That’s enough wakefulness to get me going to the bathroom and get the morning started.

• Light exposure - Dr. Andrew Huberman has been a huge proponent in the science behind this.

  “Viewing sunlight within the first hours of waking (as soon as you can, even if through cloud cover) increases early-day cortisol release (the ideal time for elevated cortisol) and prepares the body for sleep later that night. A morning spike in cortisol will also positively influence your immune system, metabolism and ability to focus during the day.”
  I try to couple my light viewing during my journal/prayer time in my backyard.

• Exercise - If this is not the norm, as it wasn’t for me, start with a 20-minute brisk walk. You can build from there in future weeks. You will feel energized throughout your day after getting your heart pumping and body moving.

• Cold Shower - This seems to be a millionaire habit out on the internet. Although I’m not rich, I can assure you it has great positive effects on my morning energy and motivation. So much so that my wife can tell. She’ll stop me and say, “Woah, hey, did you take a cold shower?” To which I’ll respond, “YES, WHY?” Cold showers will raise your level of dopamine for an extended period of time. Which means more motivation.

• (Optional) For those coffee lovers - Have your cup of joe after 90 minutes of waking and no later than 12pm. Coffee later in the morning prevents the post-caffeine crash. And cutting off caffeine early helps with sleeping at night. Personally, I can sleep no matter how much caffeine I’ve consumed. But according to the science, the ability to sleep with caffeine doesn’t mean you’re getting the best quality sleep. So I’ve been following those guidelines to my benefit.

My most recent morning routine has been:

• 5:30am - Wake

• 5:45am - Exercise

• 6:15am - Cold Shower

• 6:20am - Journal Outside (for sunlight)

• 6:45am - All hell breaks loose-- I mean, our girls wake up :)

I'm kidding, they're very sweet in the morning.

Don't Give Up On Sleep

It could take as little as a few days to get it right, but if it takes you longer than a week, don’t give up! Adjustments take time. Start with one step and build on that:

1. Sleep Train Your Kid(s)

2. Establish Your Evening Routine

3. Find Your Best Bedtime

4. Calculate Your Best Wake Time

5. Establish Your Morning Routine

If you believe to have a sleep disorder, don’t delay and see a specialist.

Nonetheless, we can always do more to set ourselves up for healthy sleeping patterns. My hope is this was a nudge for you to evaluate your own habits and make some improvements.

It's time to take back our energy so we can show up with our best, every single day.

If anything I shared sparked a thought, or inspired some changes, comment below. I'd love to hear about it!

Until next time, go get that sweet sweet sleep!