#016: How To Do What You Gotta, Even If You Don't Wanna

Hello guys!

It's fun to write about big dreams, aspirations, and the future-self.

But let’s be real. We have responsibilities.

I’m a husband, co-breadwinner, and parent. So reality has roadblocks to my dreams:

• Mountains of laundry

• Stacks of dishes

• Meals to cook

• Energy-sucks… like putting kids to bed.

We love bedtime by the way, but it's impossible to get out of it with any energy left in the tank.

So for this issue, let's get simple and practical.

This is how to do what you gotta, even if you don't wanna

Using chores as the example, since my hatred for them runs deep.

Here are two approaches to getting anything done depending on motivation at the time I intend to do the thing (in this case chores):

Positive Reinforcement

When motivation is high, use positive reinforcement. Look forward to a set reward upon completing a task or goal. For example:

• If the dishes are done at the end of the night, I reward myself with time to write.

• If the living room is tidied, the girls will LOVE it and play soccer, dance, do cartwheels, etc. (which I love to see).

• If the laundry is washed and folded, I get to work on my passion projects afterwards.

But… if you’re the type that waits to "feel like it" to pursue goals, positive reinforcement will not work when motivation is low. This is me most days.

Failure Visualization

An “anti-vision” or failure visualization will be most effective when you aren’t “feelin’ it.”

In these moments, imagine yourself and the emotions of having failed. Your desire to avoid that negative outcome will drive you toward success. For example:

• Undone dirty dishes - I visualize myself the next morning groggily digging out and washing what I need for breakfast and lunch prep. 

• Messy living room - I visualize working from home and caring for girls the next day in a cluttered space.

• Unfolded/dirty laundry - I see myself in the morning rush, searching for girls' outfits for school.

I dread all of the above scenarios and the feelings they trigger. But when evening comes and Netflix on the couch sounds amazing, temporary amnesia kicks in and I forget those dreadful mornings.

So I force myself to feel what it’ll be like the next day if I don’t get the chores done.

And then I get them done.

Am I perfect? Nope. Sometimes Netflix wins.

But overall, my success rate has gone up since I’ve implemented this dual approach:

1. Positive Reinforcement

2. Failure Visualization

Add this to your emotional tool belt, give it a try, and let me know if it helps you get through some of your dreaded to-do’s this week!

Be safe out there, and keep going after your goals 🎯

-Omar

🎤 Podcast

I’ve applied what I’ve shared for the last 6 months. But Dr. Huberman has an episode with an entire toolkit for reaching goals. I highly recommend.