#012: The Key to Mature from Boyhood to Manhood

Hello friend!

Last week, I heard a great episode of The Art of Manliness Podcast, "The 5 Shifts Of Manhood" with guest Jon Tyson.

In the episode, they break down the 5 shifts of maturing from boyhood to manhood:

1. From Ease to Difficulty

2. From Self to Others

3. From Whole to a Part

4. From Control to Surrender

5. From Temporary to Eternal

Tyson explains these mindset shifts in the context of raising boys, but frankly, he was exposing all the ways I needed to grow up.

And the one that hit closest to home is foundational to the others:

Shifting from a life of ease to a life of difficulty

This isn’t about making life insufferable. Rather, it’s a call for a change in a boy’s approach to life.

In other words, one must grow out of passivity into assertiveness. Face conflict rather than run from it. Embrace responsibility rather than retreat from it.

Here are my 5 takeaways to shift from a life of ease to a life of difficulty.

1. Boys must be called out.

There's great value to an older man (Dad, an uncle, or a mentor) inviting a young man into a life of pursuing difficulty, such as a “rite of passage.”

In the last 3 years, books, videos, and podcasts have been my "invitation." I've filled my mind with content that challenges and encourages me. Inevitably, my thoughts and actions followed suit.

You may not have a mentor in your life, but you can still immerse yourself in content that is wise beyond your years. Use it to call you out!

2. Push them to deal with the fear of rejection.

For a 5-year-old it could be having them order their own item at a restaurant. For a 13-year-old, it may be having them try-out for a sports team.

For me, at 35 years old, it's feeding the desire for a better life to overshadow fear of failure. And acting on that desire.

3. Model conflict management and resolve.

It may take therapy and healing childhood trauma, but like most things, this is a learnable skill. How do you respond to a car that cuts you off or disagreements in the living room? Kids model what they see and hear at home.

I am conflict-averse, so this one’s tough. It has required me to push through discomfort for the sake of my well-being, marriage, and family. Still a work-in-progress here.

4. Train them to take action.

Confidence comes from competence. Competence comes from pressing forward through doubt.

Dispel the illusion of perfection. There is only progress. And progress is a result of action. So take it.

5. Celebrate assertiveness.

Praise the behavior you want to see more of.

If you’re waiting for perfection to celebrate, you never will. You're allowed to celebrate small victories. Find joy in knowing every effort is helping you grow.

It was 30+ years overdue, but I can finally say I'm taking these steps to evolve into a better man, husband, and father.

And this newsletter is your formal invitation.

I'm calling you out. There's greatness in you. You may not feel ready, but you are capable. Lean into the challenges. Lean into the growth. And go after the life you desire.

This week:

• Think about the areas of your life where you’ve been passive or complacent.

• Focus on the next step you will take to make progress: making that phone call, having the discussion, buying the supplies, learning the skill, registering for the course, etc.

• The goal is not perfection. The goal is to embrace a life of difficulty to make daily 1% gains.

Here’s to becoming better men!

-Omar

🎤 Podcast Episode