#018: Why Your Kid's Environment Matters Most

Hey guys!

Last week, I attended a company conference with keynote speaker Simon Sinek.

He is known for his books and online content on healthy organizations and leadership.

Ironically, I discovered his content the year leading up to my previous job resignation. And of course, I’d want to see the man who convinced me to quit my job.

I sat among thousands of corporate employees as Simon spoke about teams and business. But all I heard was parenting advice. Dad brain filter ON.

He spoke on the “Circle of Safety” of an organization and explained how:

1. Environment plays a crucial role in the behavior of its individuals (kids).

2. Environment is determined by leadership (parents).

A “good” person (kid) can do terrible things when in a bad environment.

A “bad” person (kid) can do well and be a positive contributor in a good environment.

His words were timely.

Lately, my wife and I have been at odds with our eldest's (Big Z’s) athletic environment.

Last soccer season she was focused, assertive, and had fun. This season was the opposite: distracted, bored, resistant to instruction.

What changed?

Did she grow out of soccer?

Are we pressuring her to do the sport?

What are we doing wrong?

My wife called it immediately: It’s the coach.

Practices were half-hearted, ending early, and heavily micro-managed to boot.

Nevertheless, I gave the benefit of the doubt. Let's give it a chance. I made a suggestion to Coach to help the team’s enthusiasm.

Not much changed.

Leadership did not improve the environment.

I knew what needed to be done, but the enneagram-9, people-pleasing, conflict-avoidant, loyalist in me held on as long as possible.

Finally, I could avoid it no longer. My wife was 100% right.

I took action.

I asked Big Z's coach from last year if he'd be open to having her, and he was! So I called a higher up in the organization to request the transfer. So uncomfortable for me.

They said it was too late in the season and couldn’t find her a jersey. They recommended I stick it out and request the coach next year.

Too Late?

Passivity had struck again.

Another parenting fail because I waited.

The knot in my stomach tightened.

I mustered courage for a few days. Then I sent 3 text messages one after the other:

• Asked the good coach if Big Z could join practices the rest of the season, to which he said yes.

• Notified the head of the division we would be pulling Big Z from her team to practice with last year's coach.

• Notified the not-so-good coach it wasn't a good fit and we would join another team while she still had some spark left for the sport.

She had her first practice with the new team. Good Coach was passionate, made practice fun, and provided structure & instruction.

It was like flipping a switch.

She was focused, playful, dribbling and chasing after it. Boy is she lightning fast (just like her mom) when she wants to be.

And best of all, she was having FUN.

She came home with a joy in her heart.

The next day, Good Coach sent me a text: I found a jersey! Can she play this Saturday?

Heck yes.

Big Z's joy carried over into the match.

She even cheered on her teammates from the sidelines during her break.

We all witnessed the difference.

All it took was a good environment set by good leadership.

For weeks, I’d been willing to sacrifice something better for my daughter, just to spare myself the pain of ruffling feathers.

This begs the question: what am I truly willing to do for my family?

Most would take a bullet for their child. But how often do we hesitate to do what's best because of inconvenience or outsiders’ opinions? How often do we leave our kids upbringing to the flow of society?

This is not a case for helicopter parenting. But it is a call to heightened awareness and action.

It’s our one job: to provide the best possible environment for our children.

Not to confuse best with easy.

Best fosters safety and growth, discipline when needed, and breeds opportunities. Ultimately, we all want our kids to achieve more than we could ever achieve for ourselves.

Environment is the limiter of potential or the compounder of growth.

You have the power.

This was my hard learned lesson. Environment matters. More than my comfort.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Have a smooth pre-Thanksgiving week!

-Omar

P.S. Send me your recommended recipes please! (I think I’m gonna cook this year…)